Break On Through

I'm trying to collect my thoughts and write something articulate, eloquent, and funny.
The only words that keep flashing through my mind are, in no particular order:

Happy
Excited
Yes!

In case you're wondering how my brain works, happy is all pink and sparkly, excited is like a lit-up marquee sign, and yes is cartoonish. I'm visual. I can't help it.

I had one of those moments on stage the other night that electrified me. I didn't realize it until after I got off stage, and I have not let it go.

I rock. Period.

This is not a new age-y, self-help kind of realization. It's an I'm in the right place at the right time kind of realization.

The last time I had this feeling, I made a decision that completely transformed my life: I called off my wedding. Yep! I did.

Ok. Let's all just relax. I'm not breaking up with AnonyMouse.

I'm merely sharing this tidbit to illustrate that this moment was a BFD. This doesn't happen that often. But when it does, you see pink sparkles and lit-up marquee signs, and you need to take it very seriously.

Of course you need to enjoy the moment, or mourn the moment first. Then, you settle back down to reality, and it becomes a part of you. I'm aware that these important moments are not a cure-all. I have a lot of hard work to do. I'll have bad shows, I'll make some really bad meals. I'm just not going to allow those moments to weigh me down. I'm ready for hard work and happy and excited and yes!

Now that I've collected my thoughts, I'm going to make one small change to my earlier statement:

I rock! Exclamation point!

They Blinded me with Silence

I had a bad show the other night. It shook me up a little, but it was a great experience. I'd been waiting for it to happen, and I'm glad it did. In the big picture, nobody got hurt and I did get some laughs.

As bummed as I was, I had a very well-timed shot of inspiration yesterday afternoon. I had a birthday movie/late lunch date with my friend Leigh.(a very happy again!) We saw Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work followed by a dizzying array of bread and cheeses at 'ino.(Truffled egg toast and bruschetta with fresh fruit and marscapone)

Joan Rivers is unbelievable. She is one of the funniest people on the planet. At 75, she does more in an hour than I do in a day. She has inspired me write and perform as often as I can. Just do yourself a favor and see this movie.

I'm new to this comedy thing. It's a process. I learned the other night that pushing myself to do new material is good, but next time I'll do my best 6 minutes. I'm going to try to channel Joan Rivers' energy at my next show.

Silence, you have been warned. In the end, laughter will win.

Happy One Year!

One year ago I started LKM. It has been a very interesting and wonderful year.

My Prepared Food Dilema

Main Entry: Guilt Vinaigrette
Pronunciation: \ˈgilt\ \ˌvi-ni-ˈgret\
Function: noun
Etymology: Upper East Side English 2010
A dressing one makes to prove to oneself that he/she is still able to cook.
Cindee made a delicious guilt vinaigrette the other night.

I've been bad. Bordering on shameful. With the exception of a cutting up a cantaloupe, broiling a steak, and Monday night's whisking of balsamic vinegar and olive oil, I have not cooked regularly in a very long time.

I have some good excuses. Teeth and life. Those things sometimes prevent you from cooking. Or wanting to cook. Both are fine, but have led AnonyMouse and I to living the life of a carefree bachelor and bachelorette ca. 1966.

Which now leads to the confession: we have been living on food prepared by various and sundry prepared food establishments for a few months.

PHEW! That didn't feel great. But it's out there. It's been necessary and it's temporary, but just doesn't make up for the missed cooking opportunities and the extra cash we've dropped.

The upside of this situation is the almost bottomless supply of comedy gold. I'm writing and performing about it. And to quote the great and powerful Ina: "How bad can that be?"

Seven (Great) Excuses To Buy Prepared Food:

It's Monday. You had a great weekend, why ruin the good weekend feeling?
It's Tuesday. You had a busy day, and the bus just happens to stop in front of Eli's.
It's Wednesday. Top Chef D.C. premiere!
It's Thursday. You have plans after work. You don't have to go home and cook!
It's Friday. Loooong week. Order in.
It's Saturday. You've got a show.
It's Sunday. You really need to relax.

Taking A Comedy Break

This past Thursday, I stepped up to the mic. After an eight year hiatus from Stand Up, I decided it was time to be funny out loud again. A lot happens in eight years. New relationships blossom or fade away, priorities shift, you develop a completely irrational hatred of Al Roker. All add up to one thing: get out there and talk about it!

The biggest motivator is my confidence. I have this crazy new outlook where I believe I have something to say, and people will laugh when I say it. OK, maybe it's not crazy, but it's new and wonderful. I also have this great support system in place. AnonyMouse and some good friends are there to laugh and give me honest feedback.

Thursday was pretty awesome for me. 3.5 mins may not seem like a long time, but believe me, it was just long enough to know that I should be doing it.

Who knows what it will lead to? I can only think good will come out of it. No one has ever said that wanting to make people laugh is a bad thing.

How Bad Can That Be?

Welcome to a very poignant and personal Little Kitchen Mouse.
I have been openly obsessed with Ina Garten and Jennifer Aniston for many years. Jen was always the coolest and Ina always the classiest. But lately I've been having my doubts. The truth is... The Contessiston has just lost its luster.



It started about a year ago. Ina's new and quite boring show Back To Basics had just debuted and Jen was involved in a very public and disturbing romance with John Mayer.

I saw the red flags,and ignored them. I went against every instinct I had, squashed down my uncomfortable feelings, and remained loyal.

You know what happens when you ignore the red flags and the bad feelings? A very disillusioned Cindee happens.

AnonyMouse warned me. He tried to be playful, but honesty can be brutal. We were watching a particularly decadent episode of The Contessa. AM bluntly commented that what she was joyfully cooking for her beloved Jeffrey looked a like "a saucepan full of death". Ignorance may be bliss, but feeding your loved one that much butter is just irresponsible.
Meanwhile, Jen was making the rounds on the Late Night talk shows celebrating herself. We were watching a particularly painful interview with either Leno or Letterman, when the subject and a copy of THAT GQ came up. She looked mortified. Her golden glow actually faded on national TV.

I was officially done. Their passive-aggressive behavior was now very apparent. A very sad feeling. Much like the feeling I had when I realized I couldn't eat McDonald's with abandon anymore.

How bad can that be? Disappointment, for lack of a better word, sucks. I now have to re-examine who I admire, which isn't such a bad thing. In the big picture, it's a very good thing.

And no, this does not mean I'll go all Martha Stewart and Sandra Bullock on you. I'll have a new set of obsessions soon, and all will be right with the world once again.

Three Obsessions I'm Still Proud To Own Up To

1. Split Enz
2. Cheese
3. Weather

All By Myself

I don't like eating alone.
Not because it makes me feel lonely, but because it makes me combine things that should not be combined in one meal.

Some people look at the lone meal as a gourmet production. They set the table, they pick a nice wine. It's lovely.

My lone meals are highly suspect, low in healthy content, and are never spoken of again.

My go-to lone meal used to be a salad. Don't be fooled by this. A simple bowl of greens can be rendered unrecognizable with the right amounts of pasta, cheese, and dressing.
Is there a possibility that a menu involving Wonder Bread, baloney, and Fritos was planned? Maybe.

I don't usually decide on how processed the meal is going to be until the last minute. A few factors come into play: weather, day of the week, and TV schedule.I also find that I talk to myself a lot while composing these meals. It's usually mindless chit-chat, but there was one time when I had to defend myself to myself over my choice of Elio's Pizza and Hostess Cupcakes.

My recent flirtation with healthy food may change the footloose and fancy free quality of my next lone meal, but that's a conversation I will save for myself.

Five Lone Meals I May Or May Not Have Eaten

1. Underwood deviled ham on D'taliano white bread
2. Elbows with a jar of tomato sauce
3. Cheese, a spoonful of peanut butter, and a blondie
4. Herring in cream sauce
5. Cold lasagne

SUCCESS!

Last Monday afternoon I had a vision. It involved roasted butternut squash, and it was powerful.

I was really down on myself for not making a perfect meal with a new ingredient. I needed to undo the damage from last Sunday's Tof-ail.

My vision led me to the dangerous and bank account draining Eli's, where deep orange colored redemption was on the very top of the squash pile. I was so consumed with produce, that I didn't even ogle the cheese section. A first!

AnonyMouse was out and about, but I was not alone. My temporary companions*: a squash, shallots, and some almost dangerously overripe bananas were about to go on a journey. A banana bread was in the oven by the time a freshly shorn AM got home. He knew how bad I felt about the previous night, and I really wanted to knock his socks off.

Banana bread...done. Squash and shallots...roasting. AnonyMouse was now under the impression that we were having roasted squash and banana bread for dinner. I let him think that. (I'm now imagining a restaurant that serves dessert with dinner)

The final outcome was a bowl of bliss: whole wheat penne tossed with goat cheese, roasted shallots, and butternut squash.

Success tastes pretty darn delicious!

Three Successful Culinary Experiments Paired With Three Very Bad Culinary Experiments

Molded chocolate cup filled with peanut butter vs Molded loaf filled with jellied chicken**

Meat tucked between two slices of bread vs Pasta tucked into a bread bowl

The Unbearable Sadness of Vegetables vs Rabbage

*Just a note...Rachael Ray's practice of referring to foods as "guys" makes me grind my teeth. I in no way endorse this.

**Many thanks to Kris @ Cheap Healthy Good for directing me to this treasure trove.

Tofu Is a Four Letter Word

If "You are what you eat!" is true, then I am the human equivalent of a cocktail party. I love wine and fun party food almost as much as I love AnonyMouse and my parents.

But...at some point one must put down the pig in a blanket and step away from the table. Pair this with a recent revelation about not being able to age in reverse, and, well, you know where this this is going.

Tofu. I decided that tofu would change my life. Tofu would open up new possibilities. Tofu would be a delightful and healthy addition to my culinary world. Tofu, I learned tonight, would also taste like a teriyaki, ginger, and garlic flavored matzoh ball. That was a very life changing moment.

In my dinner visualization I saw a plate that had a perfectly sautéed grouping of tofu, red pepper, snow peas and scallions.

Instead of delight and perfection, that extra-firm block of soybean curd was the inspiration for curse word combinations that didn't exist until I uttered them.

I will try again. I'm not giving up on it. I'm ready to make these changes and the outcome will be very good.I just need to be realistic about what I visualize as looking good vs what it will actually taste like.

Oh, did I mention the quinoa on the side? No I didn't. Because the only words that come to mind to describe my feelings about quinoa are unprintable.


Four Printable Words To Describe My Feelings About Tofu:

1. Tepid
2. Offensive
3. Foul
4. Underwhelming