Taking A Comedy Break

This past Thursday, I stepped up to the mic. After an eight year hiatus from Stand Up, I decided it was time to be funny out loud again. A lot happens in eight years. New relationships blossom or fade away, priorities shift, you develop a completely irrational hatred of Al Roker. All add up to one thing: get out there and talk about it!

The biggest motivator is my confidence. I have this crazy new outlook where I believe I have something to say, and people will laugh when I say it. OK, maybe it's not crazy, but it's new and wonderful. I also have this great support system in place. AnonyMouse and some good friends are there to laugh and give me honest feedback.

Thursday was pretty awesome for me. 3.5 mins may not seem like a long time, but believe me, it was just long enough to know that I should be doing it.

Who knows what it will lead to? I can only think good will come out of it. No one has ever said that wanting to make people laugh is a bad thing.

How Bad Can That Be?

Welcome to a very poignant and personal Little Kitchen Mouse.
I have been openly obsessed with Ina Garten and Jennifer Aniston for many years. Jen was always the coolest and Ina always the classiest. But lately I've been having my doubts. The truth is... The Contessiston has just lost its luster.



It started about a year ago. Ina's new and quite boring show Back To Basics had just debuted and Jen was involved in a very public and disturbing romance with John Mayer.

I saw the red flags,and ignored them. I went against every instinct I had, squashed down my uncomfortable feelings, and remained loyal.

You know what happens when you ignore the red flags and the bad feelings? A very disillusioned Cindee happens.

AnonyMouse warned me. He tried to be playful, but honesty can be brutal. We were watching a particularly decadent episode of The Contessa. AM bluntly commented that what she was joyfully cooking for her beloved Jeffrey looked a like "a saucepan full of death". Ignorance may be bliss, but feeding your loved one that much butter is just irresponsible.
Meanwhile, Jen was making the rounds on the Late Night talk shows celebrating herself. We were watching a particularly painful interview with either Leno or Letterman, when the subject and a copy of THAT GQ came up. She looked mortified. Her golden glow actually faded on national TV.

I was officially done. Their passive-aggressive behavior was now very apparent. A very sad feeling. Much like the feeling I had when I realized I couldn't eat McDonald's with abandon anymore.

How bad can that be? Disappointment, for lack of a better word, sucks. I now have to re-examine who I admire, which isn't such a bad thing. In the big picture, it's a very good thing.

And no, this does not mean I'll go all Martha Stewart and Sandra Bullock on you. I'll have a new set of obsessions soon, and all will be right with the world once again.

Three Obsessions I'm Still Proud To Own Up To

1. Split Enz
2. Cheese
3. Weather

All By Myself

I don't like eating alone.
Not because it makes me feel lonely, but because it makes me combine things that should not be combined in one meal.

Some people look at the lone meal as a gourmet production. They set the table, they pick a nice wine. It's lovely.

My lone meals are highly suspect, low in healthy content, and are never spoken of again.

My go-to lone meal used to be a salad. Don't be fooled by this. A simple bowl of greens can be rendered unrecognizable with the right amounts of pasta, cheese, and dressing.
Is there a possibility that a menu involving Wonder Bread, baloney, and Fritos was planned? Maybe.

I don't usually decide on how processed the meal is going to be until the last minute. A few factors come into play: weather, day of the week, and TV schedule.I also find that I talk to myself a lot while composing these meals. It's usually mindless chit-chat, but there was one time when I had to defend myself to myself over my choice of Elio's Pizza and Hostess Cupcakes.

My recent flirtation with healthy food may change the footloose and fancy free quality of my next lone meal, but that's a conversation I will save for myself.

Five Lone Meals I May Or May Not Have Eaten

1. Underwood deviled ham on D'taliano white bread
2. Elbows with a jar of tomato sauce
3. Cheese, a spoonful of peanut butter, and a blondie
4. Herring in cream sauce
5. Cold lasagne

SUCCESS!

Last Monday afternoon I had a vision. It involved roasted butternut squash, and it was powerful.

I was really down on myself for not making a perfect meal with a new ingredient. I needed to undo the damage from last Sunday's Tof-ail.

My vision led me to the dangerous and bank account draining Eli's, where deep orange colored redemption was on the very top of the squash pile. I was so consumed with produce, that I didn't even ogle the cheese section. A first!

AnonyMouse was out and about, but I was not alone. My temporary companions*: a squash, shallots, and some almost dangerously overripe bananas were about to go on a journey. A banana bread was in the oven by the time a freshly shorn AM got home. He knew how bad I felt about the previous night, and I really wanted to knock his socks off.

Banana bread...done. Squash and shallots...roasting. AnonyMouse was now under the impression that we were having roasted squash and banana bread for dinner. I let him think that. (I'm now imagining a restaurant that serves dessert with dinner)

The final outcome was a bowl of bliss: whole wheat penne tossed with goat cheese, roasted shallots, and butternut squash.

Success tastes pretty darn delicious!

Three Successful Culinary Experiments Paired With Three Very Bad Culinary Experiments

Molded chocolate cup filled with peanut butter vs Molded loaf filled with jellied chicken**

Meat tucked between two slices of bread vs Pasta tucked into a bread bowl

The Unbearable Sadness of Vegetables vs Rabbage

*Just a note...Rachael Ray's practice of referring to foods as "guys" makes me grind my teeth. I in no way endorse this.

**Many thanks to Kris @ Cheap Healthy Good for directing me to this treasure trove.

Tofu Is a Four Letter Word

If "You are what you eat!" is true, then I am the human equivalent of a cocktail party. I love wine and fun party food almost as much as I love AnonyMouse and my parents.

But...at some point one must put down the pig in a blanket and step away from the table. Pair this with a recent revelation about not being able to age in reverse, and, well, you know where this this is going.

Tofu. I decided that tofu would change my life. Tofu would open up new possibilities. Tofu would be a delightful and healthy addition to my culinary world. Tofu, I learned tonight, would also taste like a teriyaki, ginger, and garlic flavored matzoh ball. That was a very life changing moment.

In my dinner visualization I saw a plate that had a perfectly sautéed grouping of tofu, red pepper, snow peas and scallions.

Instead of delight and perfection, that extra-firm block of soybean curd was the inspiration for curse word combinations that didn't exist until I uttered them.

I will try again. I'm not giving up on it. I'm ready to make these changes and the outcome will be very good.I just need to be realistic about what I visualize as looking good vs what it will actually taste like.

Oh, did I mention the quinoa on the side? No I didn't. Because the only words that come to mind to describe my feelings about quinoa are unprintable.


Four Printable Words To Describe My Feelings About Tofu:

1. Tepid
2. Offensive
3. Foul
4. Underwhelming

Wake and Bake 2009

Last Sunday I decided that I was going to bake on Monday. Yes I did. I decided this as I strolled through the Baking Needs aisle at C-Town. I sneered at the boxes of mixes and deliberately and loudly in my head said: I AM GOING TO BAKE! TOMORROW!

I placed my baking needs in that shopping cart with a degree of confidence that's usually reserved for Olympians. I swaggered home with twenty pounds of ingredients and set them on the counter. No. I DISPLAYED my ingredients on the counter. Much like one would proudly display an Oscar. If I could, I would have back lit them.

AnonyMouse woke from his slumber, walked into the kitchen, took one look at the bounty in front of him and said: "That's a lot of sugar."

"Yes! It is!" I roared. "I am going to bake! Tomorrow!"
He said: "Cool." And then went to take a nap.

He needed one. Taking in that much sugar, flour and baking powder was overwhelming for a mere non-baking mortal.

I was heady with baking thoughts all day. I had a pantry of dry goods waiting to be sifted and mixed! I consulted my library of cookbooks, I went online to seek out the most worthy recipe. I noticed that not one recipe had baking powder as an ingredient, but it didn't matter. I would be baking in 24 hours!

Well, at some point the lights fade. The accolades die down, and the reality sets in that there is absolutely no need for baking powder. I needed baking soda. This realization knocked the wind out of me. My display of ingredients didn't look so award winning anymore. That yellow and red tin of Davis Baking Powder sat on the counter mocking me. Double Acting! Yeah, it was acting alright! Acting like I knew what I was doing! I became a tiny bit despondent.

I slept badly on Sunday night. Terrifying images of bleached four choking me with dust...Betty Crocker laughing maniacally...and the most disturbing image of a disembodied arm and hammer...WHOA.

I woke up on Monday morning, put on my boots and coat, flew out the door and headed back to C-Town. No coffee. I had needs of a baking variety to attend to. Coffee was not an option.

The next few hours were a blur. I sifted-through a colander-I forgot to take the butter out, I used peanut butter AND chocolate chips! AnonyMouse awoke to Nat King Cole singing Christmas music and me covered in flour. He cracked up. Then turned serious when he saw what I had done. The display that had previously mocked me was now a pile of baked goodness.

I brought my little morsels of happy to a holiday party that night. My friend told me as I was leaving that everyone loved my cookies.

Some decisions are worth the wait.

Three Great Baking Achievements Paired With Three Great Baked Goods:

Pastry cook becomes a respected profession in 300 B.C. and Janice's Apricot squares

The Easy-Bake Oven was introduced in 1963 by Kenner Products and Eli's Onion rolls

Adding lit candles to the top of a birthday cake originates in 18th century Germany and fresh croissants

Come along for the ride!

Maybe it's the approaching end of the decade, the end of the year, the possible end of an era work-wise...I'm just feeling good about it all. Yes. I'm talking about endings. Endings, to me, can be a real positive.

Most obviously, the look of this very blog came to an end. Every time I came to the page it felt like I was wearing a scratchy sweater or had damp socks on. It didn't feel right. I hope you like it. I do.

When AnonyMouse and I moved last May, it was the perfect ending to our former living situations. We now have a home.

Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise. Hilarious. The. End.



Change always makes me feel kinda funky. I just try to remember that fun is a big part of that word.


Three Great Endings Paired With Three Great Beginnings

Janice's Chocolate Roll and The opening guitar riff of Pretty Persuasion

Series Finale of Six Feet Under and The theme song to Ally McBeal

Coffee and Coffee